21 Balloons

I am a grown ass woman and I do what I want. I'm fancy with my new job. Miss Independent. Britney Spears ain't got nothing on me, I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. I am 100% woman... you better R-E-S-P-E-C-T me.

Over the weekend, I was reminded of an old Playstation game my brother used to make me watch him play, Twisted Metal. And there is this one particular character in the game that I can't just get out of my head, Axle. Oh, Axle.

Taking a trip down memory lane with photos from my Twitpic. So, if you guys didn't know, I'm moving back to NYC this weekend. I'm sad about leaving my hometown but I can't start a new chapter in my life if I don't start making any changes. Don't be a stranger.

Goodbye to...

Hoodie Allen - Get it Big Time

In celebration of CASSIUS signing with Ed Banger Records, they created this free iPhone application of moving lips singing to their "I Love You So" song.

Oh BTW, I miss you tons, New York.

You and I used to go wayyy back, back when you still lived on Sesame Street. Who knew that you could become so malicious, especially to someone who trusted and loved you so much. A true friend bends backwards for you not because you're "Big Bird," but because you're just bird. I remember filming you and our friends skateboarding at Burnt Cat because you asked me to but I really didn't want to because I didn't know how to skateboard and half of the guys really sucked at skating. I knew you before and after, I guess we can't choose our family members but we can choose our friends. For a while, I thought you were family and I wasn't ready to give-up but now you're just a bad friend.

Philadelphia is full of people who rides coattails. This world is full of people who rides coattails. I don't blame people for doing so because when you're networking it's the same concept of making connections and building on those relationships in order to make new and may be more favorable connections. But then you feel bad for those who are wearing the coat. They begin to get blinded by flashing lights and forget who their real friends are, the non-coastriders, the ones who help them put on their coat versus those who rides them.

A coatrider is one who doesn't care of how much work the person had put-in to help them get them there nor do they truly care about the person's well-being just as long as they can use the coat-wearer's name in order for them to get ahead. The coatrider comes in all shapes and forms, they may look like your next best friend giving you endorsement products and free tickets. But when the kids get old and by kids, I mean us. You'll finally realize who were there for you at the very end.

Riding coattails is a metaphor that refers to the way in which lower level or uninspiring celebrities can often reach stardom through their ties to another, more popular and successful celebrity. This can often be used as a generic phrase for anyone that hangs onto another person as they forge ahead, without effort from the hanger-on.

Ode to the NYC summer nights, to my Philly up-kept hair and rolling jays attitudes and to your New England dirty but proper New Balances and glasses of Riseling, clinking beer cans on the ledge of Dealy Hall (any inch could be a deadly one). Riding the D trains at five in the morning exploring the L.E.S. - s because what the Conde Nasty New Yorkers doesn't understand that sometimes less is more. Heels and ties loosen our minds that the city of dreams is not all what it seems. Bodega, can I "getta's" BUT the best part is when I find Evan DeKaser spread out and knocked out on my couch after a late night of watching back-to-back HBO, the best part of a NYC summer night is the "good morning."

I may not be in your pool of girls, I might just be the only one in your drinking cup.

Whatever. Now it's gonna take a love letter to get me to smile, again.

Now that I'm back from Asia, I get all clueless when people ask me, "How was Asia?" I just don't know how to respond to that, especially when they ask, "What ya do?" Hmmm... well let me see, well my friend shot a rocket launcher at a cow, I shot an AK at some random mountain in the middle of a land-mine in Cambodia somewhere, I went on a lady-boy hunt, walked a tiger, rode an elephant through a jungle, jumped off of waterfalls and boats, etc.

Last night after four rounds of beer and a discounted tab from a devilishly handsome bartender who's no stranger, I left with my two girlfriends in search to find my other friends. I walked out of the the upscale restaurant/slash/bar that was closing for the night only to find myself sitting on the sidewalk beside one of my dearest friends, stroking her hair. Her head was buried between her knees as salty tear drops soaked her gray bf sweater. We were not alone, our friends surrounded her with speechless love. And then a black homeless man approached us self-proclaiming as thee "Jokeman." Little did he know that I actually know the original Jokeman and I wouldn't allow this pseudo Jokeman to tell me a joke, so instead I told him a joke of a stick of butter that you throw out the window... a butterfly. My friend finally emerge from between her knees and laughed a little, saying "fuck it."

I was going through my old private notes while I was working on the second issue of McJAWN. I remember how fucking frustrating it all was but now I'm realizing that I have McJAWN to thank for helping me grow as person. I copy-&-paste a reply to a comment as way to remind myself that in business, in life and in relationships, no one is perfect; however, we shouldn't blame anyone for the mistakes that were made and instead focus more on handling the situation. Always keep in mind that any decisions you make should be made in the interest of the love in your life.

When I get angry, I sing myself that Kidz in the Hall song that starts off like this... Cool Cool Relax Relax.

My self-worth: Love? I wouldn't be able to give him the proper attention that he deserves and God knows I've tried but to my surprise I'm not willing to try hard enough. I chose not to be patience. I didn't give him a chance to make it right. As soon as I felt a tugging at my heart, I pulled the trigger. Now everything that I ever felt is dead to me. And that person I loved the most, deserves so much better.